life and death

so our baby bird died last night. no storm came, just the slow sad death to exposure and hunger that happens when baby birds fall out of trees. I learned a lot from this process. Some trivial- like momma birds will push out hatchlings that are sickly or weak to make room for stronger gorwing siblings. That if the fall is accidental they will almost always feed and care for the baby if you put it in an acceptable nest near its own nest. What I understood was get it home or close to home and stay out of it. Nature will take care of it. Nature, I see, made its hard choice twice yesterday thanks to my "help" or interference.

who knows what logic or instinct played out in this circumstance for the birds. My own nature was quite revealing. I so wanted the momma bird to come save her baby that I began to believe she was. I let my own powers of observation be overruled by hope. Myles was worked over emotionally by the whole thing as well. The whole day he told the bird story to anyone (real or imaginary) who would listen. He would stand under our makeshift nest and hold out grass for the baby bird to eat. we moved all our bird feeders to the tree at his request. He wanted to fall and have me catch him. He wanted his trains to fall from various ledges found on the furniture. He tried to climb the ladder to "see it" himself. For the first time in his life he told me he had a 'bad day"

anyway-the internal tug of war about whether I could have done more, been wiser, etc puts a heaviness to today. I have about 2 hours before Myles wakes up. Maybe he will have forgotten about yesterday's events. I will eat my own shoe if he does. No, I am certain that his last thoughts before bed were about that bird cold and alone outside while we snuggled in our warm nest. I am sure he will want to know more in the morning. What truths, 1/2 truths, or blatant lies I will concoct has yet to be determined. We still have swim lessons to get through. Life for us goes on.